From the Beachhead Archives: CRUD Conspiracy – Jan. 1970, #12

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By Carol Fondiller

Stepped on any broken bottles lately? Have you noticed that the new trash cans on the Ocean Front Walk have been burned? Are you afraid to go on ocean Front Walk at night because of thugs, muggers and police? Have obscene threats and propositions destroyed your quiet thoughts and/or conversations? Have you been run off the Ocean Front Walk by motorcyclists?

It’s a PLOT! THEY have failed to move us out by freezes on bank loans, lock-outs at City Hall, gerrymandering our district, and police harassment. THEY are now resorting to even filthier tactics! No Venetian would purposely desecrate his environment. Therefore, by careful deduction, there is only one conclusion that can be drawn. The perpetrators of these acts are not Venice residents. These are mercenaries in the pay of a combine of land speculators, P.U.R.G.E. (Plastic Unhuman Repressive Greedy Entrepeneurs) who are interested in seeing Venice become another Miami Beach. These agents are paid to harass the people who have not yet been chased out by police or high rents.

Like a pincer movement, the police and high rents squeeze the residents on one hand, and the mercenaries, C.R.U.D. (Crass Repulsive Ugly Degenerates) squeeze them on the other hand until they are forced out, leaving the area clear for redevelopement, i.e. high-rise and parking lots. These paid agents are imported from Iowa, West Texas, New York, Inglewood and Westwood. They are disguised as run-aways, students, and other transients “making the scene.” The mercenaries in the pay of P.U.R.G.E.  have a secret society called C.R.U.D.  who are sworn to Cruelly Rape Undermine and Downgrade communities marked for urban renewal. I don’t have to tell you what those letters stand for. The residents, already besieged by organizational social worker types who tell them they can’t fight the system, (a subsidiary of P.U.R.G.E.) invite an occupying army, the police in for a “sweep,” thus giving them license to harass residents. Examples of P.U.R.G.E. and C.R.U.D. procedures may be seen in the history of North Beach, Haight Ashbury and Topanga Canyon.

The Police, in collusion with P.U.R.G.E. and C.R.U.D. arrest only residents. The C.R.U.D.s having C.R.U.D. cards are released. When complaints are filed against the police, the police can say, “But we’ve had complaints from the residents.”

How can we combat the creeping C.R.U.D.s? Here are some suggestions. Naturally you are invited to think of your own.

  1. Run in front of the idiots who pollute the Ocean Front Walk with their noisy noisome motorcycles and yell and scream. Make a tsimmis!
  2. Tell all C.R.U.D.’s who break bottles or otherwise litter our home that you know that they are part of the CONSPIRACY. Name your favorite conspiracy.
  3. Tell all threatening and obnoxious type panhandlers to go back to Bel-Air where they came from.
  4. Start rumors that the name callers and threateners are paid informers or plain-clothes-men.

In future articles, I shall expose the witting and un-witting dupes of P.U.R.G.E. , such as The Camera Toting Peak Freak, The Horny Tailed CoolCat, and other elements of destruction such as the Collosal Cacophonic Distemper Dealing Un-leashed Canine Cadre owned by C.R.U.D.’s and their masters.

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