How To Suffer Fools In Venice

You are a fool to live or visit here, unless you know how to suffer fools in Venice.

I am not just talking about the gentrifying upscalars, or tent dwellers in a storm or a busload of German tourists, I mean all of us.

Tongva Villages

Ok go back a several hundred years, nothing but Tongva and other tribes living in a paradise. They were fooled. The Spanish fools came in and pillaged and enslaved the natives with the All Fools Catholic Church. Bang, the Spanish fools are out and this is Mexico. Bang, the fool Americans take the entire Southwest from Mexico, 1848. In comes the gold and real estate rush, foolish investors are ready to pave over paradise, to build you a foolishly crappy bungalow. Some fools in Venice still live in them. Venice flourished when foolish investors built foolish carney attractions, ran foolish bars and foolishly smuggled liquor if necessary. Then the fool oil industry came in and started the Venice Oil Apocalypse. The fools drilled wells and built a gas plant that spewed hazardous waste all over the fools in the neighborhood, which fell into squalor. Fools made the pre-Marina del Rey land a burning dump for much of LA’s trash, and later fools just landfilled it and walked away. Venice was a drunk fool for junk. All kinds of junky fools, foolish broken storm drains and sewers. Fool poets being beaten down by fool police. Fools hanging on the beach all day, getting foolish. Poor fool artists becoming foolishly successful, and then foolishly tragic.

There will never be an end to foolishness in Venice, foolishness is it’s most important resource. There has been more carny fools, more tap dancing fools, foolish jokers, captivating crooners, parades, and marching samba bands and dancers, and professional liars doing their foolishness on Ocean Front Walk and everywhere. More fools marching down Ocean Front Walk protesting other’s foolishness. More fools taking a risk to tell it like it is.

The Superbroke Brass and Tin and Strings
Electric Marching Band Ensemble 

Always fools on the streets and salons of Venice. It’s a foolish layout and there are lots of sneaky places for fools to jump out at foolish you. There are fools who don’t leave their house, and fools breaking into yours. Every foolish hobo thumbing their way on on PCH has to make a foolish beach stop in Venice.

Some fools in Venice will go to any foolish end to get rid of the foolish poor people in Venice. They broadly slander social service providers in Venice, and foolishly make life worse for the poor, and better for themselves, by attempting to obstruct the building of more supportive housing. Since they are fools they fail.

FOOL, n.A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity. He is omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscience, omnipotent. He it was who invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph, the platitude and the circle of the sciences. He created patriotism and taught the nations war — founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and Chicago. He established monarchical and republican government. He is from everlasting to everlasting — such as creation’s dawn beheld he fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the procession of being. His grandmotherly hand was warmly tucked-in the set sun of civilization, and in the twilight he prepares Man’s evening meal of milk-and-morality and turns down the covers of the universal grave. And after the rest of us shall have retired for the night of eternal oblivion he will sit up to write a history of human civilization.

From “The Devil’s Dictionary” by Ambrose Bierce

Some more damn fools are running for the Venice Neighborhood Council. It looks like local fool scofflaw landlord George Francisco is not running. Lets take a foolishly prejudiced look at those fools who are running in the Venice Neighborhood Election. For the Office of President of Venice Fools, we have some excellent fools. That fool Jim Murez has undoubtedly pissed too many people off over the years. Ben Decker, has he ever had to silence a fool? He certainly is more foolishly charismatic than the others and that is sure to ruin him. But to deign to rule in Venice? Even the foolish Grand Dragon and Queen of Venice, Marylou Johnson, was deposed before the sun had set and those foolish gay bars had opened. It would seem to us fools here that Brian Averill would be the sane choice, he has no foolish plans to upscale and is likeable. As for the rest of the the candidates, some of our fool friends are running. We will be insulting the rest of the candidates, as soon as our fool researchers dig up the dirt. You fools better get together a campaign to get out the fool vote. Only a fool would be discouraged by George Carlin.

Bask in the glory of our wise pantheon of old Venice fools, Swami X, Larry Hankin, and George Carlin.

Swami X, Larry Hankin, and George Carlin.

I don’t vote. Two reasons. First of all it’s meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long time ago. The shit they shovel around every 4 years doesn’t mean a fucking thing. Secondly, I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. People like to twist that around – they say, ‘If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain’, but where’s the logic in that? If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. I, on the other hand, who did not vote, who in fact did not even leave the house on election day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain about the mess you created that I had nothing to do with.

– George Carlin

But you can tell that I can go on and on about you fools. It takes one fool to know another. I foolishly came to Venice on the Red Car and got my fool skull cracked after I foolish threw sand at my foolish brother. I foolishly crawled on pier wreckage. Like a complete fool I let my foolish but sunny hippy high school girlfriend talk me into foolishly driving to Venice, because foolish groovy hippy things were happening there, 1969. I foolishly parked in the wrong spot, and I foolishly overdosed, damaged my car, and hurt someone. I was a foolish thief, with a foolish hippy song I learned , “Rip-rip-rip-rip, rip-rip-rip-rip, rip-rip-rip-rip, rip, rip it off, bop shoo bop…”. I was such a fool I failed to purchase a house in the canals where I was living in 1970. I was a fool to have 4 lovers in that trashy bungalow…sigh. I would be a fool to go farther down this foolish hole with you fools.

Like all fools I needed a way to fix my foolishness and I found that in Venice. My foolishness is working great. I think all of us fools should vote in the neighborhood council election and replace those old fools with our own fools. Fool you.

Ok so you’re thinking, come on you fool,

I am having a hard time suffering you,

Well of course I’ll tell you what to do,

you just gotta be a big fool too.

Only fools try to change the world.

first baptist church of venice, ca update fight